Dear Madison Avenue, Please Don't Wish Me a Happy Mother's Day

Dear Readers,

Last May, before I launched SavvyAuntie.com, I wrote a blog post about childless women and Mother's Day. It's been one of my most popular posts to-date and so I thought this year, I would simply update the data and re-post.

(First published on May 2, 2008. Data has been updated for 2009)

Dear Madison Avenue,

Please don't wish me a Happy Mother's Day.

It's not that I don't appreciate the wishes. And I don't mean to be the "Ebenezer Scrooge" of Mother's Day. It's a perfectly lovely holiday.

But I am not a mother.

And it's not that I don't want to be. I personally do. But for now, I am not a mother.

So when I walk into your store, or open your e-newsletter, or receive your direct mail, please don't wish me a Happy Mother's Day.

Don't get me wrong. I love mothers. I admire the work and energy it takes to be a mother. In fact, some of my best friends are mothers. But some are not. In fact, some of your girlfriends are probably not mothers either. Stop. Look around. Chances are about 50% of the women you know are not mothers. Especially since you live in a big city like New York.

Madison, or Ms Avenue if you prefer, just look at the US census report on fertility. In 2006 (the latest report) 45.1% of women up to the age of 44 were counted as "childless." (The number of women over the age of 44 who are non-moms is not recorded.) That's up from 44.6% in 2004. And 43% in 2001. So the numbers are growing. Year after year. After year.

For every Mom out there, there is a Non-Mom. Some by choice. Some yet to be. Some who just can't. None of these women want your Happy Mother's Day wishes. In fact, you are probably hurting some feelings along the way.

But Madison, you're a smart marketer. You can step away from the decades-old idea that moms are the most powerful spenders in the US. Perhaps at education and kids' necessities like diapers and milk they are. Sure. But women in general are the most lucrative consumers for marketers. And we've come a long way, baby. 85% of women make or influence the purchasing decisions in their household. The household, by the way, may be a family of four, or a single abode for one. For the first time, more women than men are buying cars, consumer electronics, homes and doing home renovations. And you might be surprised to hear that 50% of single women own their own homes.

Since the 1960's, when women were finally opening bank accounts in their own names, you have been focusing your marketing strategies on Mom since that is how you have traditionally identified "Woman." But it's 2009 and times have changed. Today, non-moms actually have greater purchasing power because they are not supporting children, because a greater portion of non-moms than moms are still in the workforce, and because they have more time for leisure and travel.

Which doesn't mean that non-moms don't love children. Non-moms have nieces and nephews, by relation or by choice, and other children in their lives that they love and embrace (and spoil!).

Madison, since you are a woman who works in advertising and marketing, you may have heard that I call this segment of women: PANKs (Professional Aunts, No Kids.) PANK is the New PINK. We are the fastest growing segment of affluent women in America - the women you should be focusing some really smart attention on.

So don't turn us off. Don't keep assuming all women are moms. Do better targeting and segmenting. Find the women who spend their discretionary income and time on the kids in their lives - and on themselves. We're here. We're listening. And we're ready to buy.

In the meantime, go ahead with your Mother's Day plans. I too wish all moms a beautiful day full of all the love and joy that motherhood brings.

But please, don't wish the rest of us a Happy Mother's Day.

Because the thing is, we're not moms.

Sincerely,
Auntie Melanie Notkin
Founder, SavvyAuntie.com

Somebody's Knockin' on the Door...

Dear Readers,

The 2006 US Census Bureau Fertility Report, which studies the fertility rates of women ages 15-44, was published earlier this week. This is a big deal, because up until now, we've been working off of data from 2004.

The new 2006 data states that even fewer women are having children than in 2004. In fact, the big highlight of the report is shocking: "20 percent of women 40 to 44 were childless in 2006, twice as high as the level 30 years earlier." Wow.

The data from a similar study done in 2004 stated that 44.6% of women did not have kids. This 2006 study reports that 45.1% did not have children, up 0.5% over those two years.

Neither reports include data on women 'post' fertility who are less likely to ever have children - women 45 and over.

I don't want you to think that I am celebrating childlessness. Childlessness is often not a choice for most women (Although it is for some and for those women, it's the right choice). Personally, I would love to have children. I just haven't met the right guy to have them with me yet. (He's coming, I just know he is, but he's taking his sweet time!)

All I am saying is that the data is the data. The facts are the facts. Fewer women are having children. By choice. Not by choice. Some are childless. Some are childfree. Some are waiting. Some are undecided. Some are trying. Some are too young. Some feel too old. Some are too old. Some are gay and therefore I assume less likely to have their own kids. Whatever the case, in the end, 45.1% of women 15-44, don't have kids.

Here's the "women without children" data, broken down by age range:

15 to 19 years 93.3%
20 to 24 years 68.6%
25 to 29 years 45.6%
30 to 34 years 26.2%
35 to 39 years 18.9%
40 to 44 years 20.4%

Remove the teens from the equation, and 36% of women 20 - 44 don't have kids. Again, this data does not include women 45+. And I am reluctant to exclude the teens because teens have huge spending clout and are very likely to indulge their little nieces and nephews, their little cousins, and their friends' kids - and certainly themselves! And they are looking for ways to connect with the children in their lives, just like older women are. Just because they are less likely to have kids, doesn't mean they are less likely to be loving Savvy Aunties to a child in their life.

But back to the good people at the US Census who have helped us discover we're not alone....
In 2006, the Census Bureau knocked on doors and asked women up to the age of 44 if they have children. 45.1% responded no.

In 2008, I responded with SavvyAuntie.com to give this segment, which I have dubbed PANKs (Professional Aunts, No Kids), a community of our own. And our partners - like Hasbro, FAO Schwarz, Sephora and Ford have responded. And many, many more are knocking on my door. They are trying hard to tell you that they hear you. They see you. They understand that you are not only relevant, you are the unsung family hero.

Finally, Auntie, somebody's ringing the bell!

Do me a favor, open the door, and let 'im in?

XOXO,

Auntie Melanie


PS - Thanks to Sir Paul McCartney and his song, Let 'im in.